What is my new part?

2 months ago begun an very exciting and highly anticipated time in our lives-Simeon was finishing chemo, and having his port out. We all looked forward to this time. Then it was over.
Since Ammon got sick as a baby 4 1/2 years ago, I was given a major role of "watching and making sure all was ok". Then when Simeon got sick that role turned into a bigger role of "nurse, and watching every detail regarding Simeon and being able to change our lives at the drop of a hat if he got sick, and knowing what was to worry about and what was not regarding his health."
Jan 10, 2010 Simeon finished chemo, his port was out and my role of watching every detail with and around him was gone. Then Ammon finished his meds Feb 3rd (for reflux) and again my role in his care was gone.
The past month I've been struggling but not knowing why. Why was I so down, why didn't I know what to do, where to start or even why I should do it. Something was missing and I didn't know what, or how to find out.

Then came Dance Marathon.

I was talking with a mom whose son has been off treatment for 2 years. She asked how it was being off chemo. I told her 'it wasn't that different, and maybe that's because I felt like I was in the honeymoon period.' Then it hit me. My role as "nurse, caregiver to sick kids, watcher of every detail, medicine giver, medicine orderer, appointment maker and taker and so many other roles I needed to have regarding the boys and their health" was gone. GONE, no longer there, no longer needed, no longer.
It hit me this weekend that part of what I've been feeling and dealing with was not knowing where I fit, not knowing what my role was. I'm still a mom to 4 kids-4 HEALTHY kids. 4 kids who don't need their mom to know every single little detail about their body and those around them and the illnesses they have. I am a mom mom who can act somewhat like the other moms out there regarding their children's health. I don't have all the appointments to make and take them to, I don't have to wonder how I was going to rearrange our lives if Simeon got a fever and had to be admitted, I don't have to order medicine every week, the important phone number list is no longer on the cupboard staring out at me, I don't need the phone calls about how many kids are sick at school and to make the decision to pull or keep the kids in school and I don't have to worry about Simeon's port getting damaged and what would happen if it did. So many roles and areas of watching are gone.

So what do I do now. Figuring this out has been a major help. It's as if a major weight has been lifted, now that I can put into words what I'm been feeling. I'm not sure where I go from now to fill that space, or how to keep it open.
I know that Heavenly Father works in amazing ways. Sunday afternoon I was given a new calling. A calling that I am overjoyed to be asked to fulfill. It's a calling I've always dreamed of having. It's a area of the church that I absolutely LOVE and have always LOVED and am so excited to serve in. I haven't been sustained so I can't say the calling, but I can say I can't wait to start serving. Why I figured this all out and was given a calling in the same weekend is because Heavenly Father knows me and loves me and He knew that I needed this now.
So what is my new part-it's a part that Heavenly Father directly had a hand in. A part that He knew I needed and could do. He is giving me what I need to fill the void that was created when my role in the boys health was no longer as needed. Don't get me wrong, I will still watch Simeon like a hawk for any signs that something isn't right, and Ammon will be watched also to make sure his symptoms don't return, but the time of major watching and concern are gone.
There's a song that talks about "parts". It talks about what part is mine and what part is Heavenly Fathers. I know He knows our lives and directs them if we will let Him. I know He knew I needed to know my part, but He wanted me to figure things out first, then He could step in and help me, knowing that I needed His help.
I'm grateful we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows and loves us nad knows what we need. I'm grateful that He does stand back and let us struggle and figure things out first so that we can learn and grow. I have grown so much over the past 4 1/2 years and I will never look back on those years and struggles with regret or anger. I will always look back on them with gratitude that we were asked to endure those so we could learn and grow as individuals and as a family.